Spotlight On Sobriety 12/21/2025
- GaL-AA Newsletter Committee
- Dec 15, 2025
- 9 min read
In this week's publication:
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Finding Connection in the Season of Loneliness
Staying Connected to GaL-AA
Grapevine - Christmas Past, Christmas Present
Spotlight On Sobriety 12/21/2025
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Finding Connection in the Season of Loneliness
If you’re reading this and struggling, please know that you are not alone. I’ve been struggling too. To be honest, I’ve dreaded the holidays more in sobriety than when I was drinking. This time of year often brings grief, memories, and a kind of loneliness that can feel unbearable.
When I was first invited to share a story for the GaL-AA holiday edition, my first thought was, “God, another thing to add to my to-do list.” But deep down, I knew this was something good—an invitation to release some of the anticipation and anxiety that come with the holidays and hopefully to remind someone that they’re not alone in feeling this way.
Growing Up Around Alcohol
The holidays have always been complicated for me: a mix of celebration and chaos. As a child, I remember the raging parties—everyone seemed to have a home bar. My first taste of alcohol came around that time, maybe when my grandfather poured homemade red wine into my ginger ale or drizzled crème de menthe over my ice cream.
I learned early that men liked to drink, and that drinking meant belonging. I loved the feeling immediately. All my fears melted away, and for a moment, I felt part of the family. That moment planted a seed for what became a decades-long struggle with alcohol and other substances. As a young gay boy who already felt like an outsider, alcohol helped me escape and connect at the same time. Even after I knew I had a problem, the hardest part wasn’t putting down the drink—it was letting go of the people and the sense of connection that came with it.
Sobriety and the Ache of Disconnection
Now, approaching ten years sober, I’ve realized that the people I used to drink with aren’t people I can connect with anymore. The absence of those relationships, as chaotic as they were, can still feel lonely. That loneliness was what first brought me into the rooms of AA. I knew that without surrounding myself with others in recovery, I’d eventually return to my old ways.
I don’t have to be alone anymore. Writing this today, I’m recommitting to my program: saying yes to holiday fellowship invites, showing up even when I don’t feel like it. That’s where the real love and support are—especially this time of year.
When the Holidays Hurt
The holidays can be triggering for many of us. I used to compare my family to others—their warmth, their laughter—and it deepened my shame. I drank to escape those feelings, but of course, that never worked.
What does work is connection. Finding a home group and showing up, even when I didn’t want to, has kept me sober through many holidays. When I’m struggling, I don’t want to be seen. But the more I isolate, the more I get drunk on self-pity or resentment—things people like us can’t afford. My instinct is to hide, but that’s not the solution. The unity of AA keeps pulling me back to safe shores, and when I’m alone, Step 11 carries me through:
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
Learning to Live It
Through working the program—sometimes reluctantly, but always honestly—I’ve learned that when I resist reality, especially around family or old relationships, I create tension and look for escape. I might not reach for a drink, but I can still find ways to check out. As the Big Book says, “The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.”
Staying connected to the program and deepening my relationship with a God of my understanding lifts me out of myself. With that comes something beautiful: a chosen family, rooted in honesty and spiritual principles, and another chance at life.
Choosing Presence Over Perfection
Recovery isn’t always easy or comfortable. For so long, I chased feeling good—trying to control my emotions rather than accept them. But what if I simply accept where I am today, move gently through the day, choosing to do no harm, and walk away from chaos and resentment?
All I have to do is show up, be honest, and do good, even in the midst of feeling bad. That’s enough to give me another sober holiday season—or simply one more beautiful sober day.
My home group hosts an annual gratitude night that draws 80 to 100 people. It always fills my holiday cup enough to keep me warm until the new year.
Thank you for reading this. Happy holidays, however you choose to celebrate.
Michael I.
Vancouver, BC, Canada
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Christmas Past, Christmas Present
An AA who relapsed compares that year's holiday with this one
The Christmas before last was the worst. Four years ago, I gave up 13 years of sobriety to drink and abuse pain medication. For my decision to drink again I was rewarded with a divorce and a business deal that went sour. I had been warned that all the bad things that hadn't happened to me yet would if I went back to drinking but some how I chose to ignore that advice. Who was I to think that the rules of alcoholic drinking did not apply to me?
Thirty years ago when I went to my first AA meeting a few of the old timers said "kid I spilled more booze on my tie than you drank." Many more said, "alcoholism was like an elevator and you could get off before it went to the bottom floor." Of course I decided to listen to the minority and after a year of sobriety and my life getting better I drank for another 10 years. I figured I hadn't lost a wife, a job, or thousands of dollars and most importantly I couldn't drink a fifth a day which seemed to be the minimum for a true alcoholic. Never mind that I wasn't married or employed and I had always been broke. The capacity for alcohol would increase, it is one of the rules of alcoholic drinking.
Years later, I had been divorced and lost a job and blown lots of money on booze and had all the accidents that go with it. I was depressed and miserable and I realized that the only time I had been happy was as a member of AA. That was the place I learned how to be a decent human being so I came back. I was lucky to find a sponsor who would put up with me. I questioned everything and told him that I hated meetings and for a time quit attending them but somehow I stayed sober and managed to not get fired by him.
I read the literature and became very active with my home group and my life improved in every way. Financially, I had a thriving business and a beautiful home. I had been spared from many painful experiences. Then after 12 years of sobriety, I became disenchanted with the discussion meetings that I had been attending, but instead of looking for other meetings, I stopped going. My employment caused me to see many AA members who did not appear to be practicing the 12 Steps in all their affairs. I couldn't believe that they would be worse off drinking. I called other AA members hypocrites, but I who had gained so much from a Program I was now denouncing was the biggest hypocrite of all. I had graduated and it wasn't with a degree of humility.
When I drank again I only had two glasses of wine and I didn't turn into a pumpkin so I thought I must have licked this thing that was more psychological than physical. For a month I would have one or two beers and laugh that I couldn't drink more because I got sleepy. I hate to admit it but I was thinking about being the first guy to comeback and stand up at a meeting to announce that I found a way to drink successfully.
Since this is a story about Christmas I will skip the drunk-a-log and get right to the worst yuletide I have experienced. I went from two glasses of wine to three bottles and five or six pain pills. My wife divorced me and so did many of my friends. I was unable to sleep through the night. I would wake from my stupor feeling sick and would drink medicinally to get a couple of hours sleep. I didn't view that as a morning drink until I had been sober a few months. All of the things my Higher Power spared me from the first two times now were beating me into submission because of my self-will.
In the past I had laughed at people who would drink and go to meetings. I could not understand some one who would drink and read the Big Book and now it was happening to me. Now I was desperate to stop drinking but I couldn't get what had come so easily to me before. I went to meetings and felt they weren't for me and I couldn't stop drinking. I cannot imagine a deeper sense of loneliness and hopelessness than knowing you are an alcoholic and that AA is the only solution for you and yet not connecting with meetings and the program. Suicide was looking like the only way out.
I believe my Higher Power was protecting me because I didn't get a DUI and I didn't physically harm any one but he was also teaching me about the desperation that I had not known before. I needed the education so that this time I would cling to the program like a drowning man would a life preserver.
Today I keep the focus on me. I acknowledge that we all have frailties and the only chance we have to overcome them is by staying sober. If a meeting doesn't appeal to me I search out ones that do. When I was drinking if I didn't like a bar I didn't quit drinking I simply found one that I enjoyed. Now I look for discussion meetings that strictly follow the Steps and speaker meetings so I get to know someone's whole story. I look forward to attending my regular meetings and I plan my life around them. Pain and progress have led me to love the program and Fellowship that I hated.
I celebrated Christmas sober for the first time in four years. I had time and energy to visit elderly friends. I felt love for the first time and began to feel worthy of it. I came to realize that many hurt feelings and anger were the result of my not feeling that I could be loved. My wife and I hosted a Christmas party and our home was filled with friends and there was no sickness or remorse the next day. We went to plays and celebrations and yet I had plenty of time to attend meetings.
I believe my Higher Power gave me two chances to join AA with less suffering but I refused the opportunities. The good news is that I made it back and have a new enthusiasm for the program and meetings. This year I look forward to celebrating another sober Christmas and being grateful for the best gift of all, recovery through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
—Anonymous, Toledo, Ohio
Copyright © The AA Grapevine, Inc. (In The Magazine) Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved. To subscribe to AA Grapevine, please visit https://www.aagrapevine.org
Spotlight On Sobriety 12/21/2025
The Spotlight On Sobriety 12/21/2025 features personal stories, articles and reflections submitted by members and friends of the fellowship. The views expressed are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent those of Alcoholics Anonymous or GaL-AA.
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GaL-AA exists to serve lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender people, queers and others in Alcoholics Anonymous regardless of how they self-identify. GaL-AA embraces all members of the AA Fellowship.
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