Spotlight On Sobriety 01/25/2026
- Steve N.
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
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Principles Behind The Steps #8
Aloha Roundup
Spotlight On Sobriety 01/25/2026
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Principles Behind Step Eight
Love as the Courage to Repair
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
At first glance, this step can feel like a bookkeeping exercise—names, memories, regrets lined up in sober handwriting. But at a deeper level, Step Eight introduces us to a principle that reshapes how we relate to others and ourselves: love grounded in responsibility.
Not sentimentality.
Not approval.
Not self-erasure.
But a mature, principled love that is brave enough to face the truth.
From Awareness to Willingness
In the Big Book, Step Eight emerges naturally from the self-examination of Step Four and the humility cultivated in Steps Five through Seven. After confronting our defects, we are reminded:
“We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76)
This line is important for what it does not say. It does not promise immediate repair. It does not demand perfection. It speaks instead to willingness—a spiritual posture rather than an action.
The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions emphasizes this distinction, noting that Step Eight is about the beginning of a new attitude, not yet the execution of amends:
“Step Eight is a test of our new-found humility.” (Twelve & Twelve, p. 77)
Humility here is not humiliation. It is the ability to see ourselves accurately—neither inflated nor diminished—and to acknowledge the ripple effects of our behavior.
Love Without Conditions
Many AA writers associate Step Eight with the principle of love, but this love is often
misunderstood. It is not the demand that we feel affection for everyone on our list. It is the willingness to recognize the dignity of others, even when relationships are broken or boundaries are necessary.
For LGBTQ+ alcoholics, this distinction matters deeply.
Many of us carry layered histories of harm—some caused by our drinking, others rooted in rejection, secrecy, or survival. We may have learned early that love was conditional: Be quieter, be straighter, be less. Step Eight offers something different. It invites us to practice a love that is honest without being self-destructive.
The Twelve & Twelve speaks directly to this balance:
“We need not, and should not, go on a self-blaming spree.” (p. 79)
In other words, love in Step Eight includes self-respect. Making a list of those we have harmed does not require us to accept blame for abuse, discrimination, or harm done to us. It requires discernment—a spiritual skill many of us are only now learning.
Facing the Harm We Minimized
Alcohol has a way of narrowing our moral vision. We remember the big moments—the fights, the ultimatums—but forget the quieter injuries: emotional absence, broken trust, inconsistency, fear.
The Big Book reminds us that harm is often not dramatic:
“We have been selfish and dishonest… we have been inconsiderate of others.” (Big Book, p. 62)
Step Eight asks us to widen our lens. Love, in this context, becomes the courage to see clearly—to acknowledge not just what we intended, but what others experienced.
For LGBTQ+ members, this may include harm done within our own community—partners, chosen family, sponsors, sponsees—relationships often forged under intense emotional bonds. Step Eight helps us separate genuine connection from emotional dependency, love from control.
Willingness Is the Miracle
One of the most hopeful truths of Step Eight is that willingness itself is enough for now.
The Twelve & Twelve reassures us:
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed…” (p. 83)
Before a single amend is made, something already shifts. Resentments loosen. Shame softens. Our spiritual posture changes from defense to openness.
This is especially meaningful for those of us who have learned to armor ourselves against rejection. Step Eight gently invites us to lower that armor—not all at once, not unsafely—but deliberately, supported by the fellowship and guided by sponsorship.
A Bridge Between Honesty and Action
Step Eight stands at a threshold. It bridges inner awareness with outward repair. It transforms love from an abstract value into a lived principle—one that honors truth, accountability, and dignity.
For many LGBTQ+ alcoholics, this step becomes a reclamation of moral agency. We are no longer defined solely by the harm done to us or by the harm we caused while drinking. We are defined by our willingness to grow, to repair what can be repaired, and to live differently moving forward.
Step Eight does not ask us to be perfect. It asks us to be ready.
And that readiness—rooted in love—is where lasting change begins.
Steve N
Las Vegas, NV
Aloha Roundup Hawaii - February 20–22, 2026
Aloha Roundup Hawaii—an LGBTQA+ AA-focused conference—will celebrate its 33rd anniversary on - February 20–22, 2026, in Honolulu, Hawaii, at the Ala Wai Golf Course Conference Hall. Since its inception, ARU has carried the theme of “Constant Contact.”
The conference takes place just outside world-famous Waikiki Beach, with hotels and dining only a short 10-minute walk away. It’s an action-packed weekend filled with excitement, recovery, fellowship, and activities that embody the spirit of aloha in our island home.
We offer surf meetings, beach meditations, hikes, a full conference schedule, and many other events throughout the weekend. Each year concludes with our traditional sunset dinner-dance cruise on Sunday evening.
Those wishing to join us can save money by registering before January 5, 2026. Registration is available at www.aloharoundup.com, and questions may be directed to our Registrar at aloharoundup.hon@gmail.com.
Spotlight On Sobriety 01/25/2026
The Spotlight On Sobriety 01/25/2026 features personal stories, articles, and reflections submitted by members and friends of the fellowship. The views expressed are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent those of Alcoholics Anonymous or GaL-AA.
Statement of Inclusion
GaL-AA exists to serve lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender people, queers and others in Alcoholics Anonymous regardless of how they self-identify. GaL-AA embraces all members of the AA Fellowship.
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