Spotlight On Sobriety 11/23/2025
- Steve N.
- Nov 17
- 12 min read
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A Season of Surrender and Grace
For most of my life, I felt different. It was as if everyone else had a map for living and I missed the directions. I grew up in a loving home, but even there, I learned to hide. I was artistic, sensitive, and effeminate. My mother let me dress up when my father was away but always warned, “Take that off before your father gets home.” I heard: You can be yourself, but only in secret.
At school, I was mocked and bullied. By sixteen, I was begging a priest to fix me. There was no fix, only shame. Then came my first drink. My cousin handed me a beer, and for the first time, the noise in my head stopped. That night, I discovered what I thought was the solution.
At twenty, I left home chasing escape. I landed in Vancouver, fell into a relationship wrapped in wealth and status, and became a certified sommelier at a prestigious private club. Outwardly, I had it all. Inside, I was hollow.
Eventually, I was caught drinking alone in a janitor’s closet. My employer told me to get help. My first AA meeting wasn’t voluntary. It came after an arrest, still in a tuxedo from a gala held the night before. I walked in defeated. The coffee was terrible, and the laughter felt foreign, but something kept me coming back.
Then the holidays arrived. I flew home. My family didn’t understand recovery. They offered me drinks, and I felt that I had to say “yes” because I didn’t want to appear broken, and I wanted their approval more than I wanted sobriety.
Back in Vancouver, I convinced myself I could “taste” wine for work. That lie ended with me standing over twenty-four bottles, not studying but spiraling out of control and sick.
Two years later, I woke up from a blackout in a bathhouse, dehydrated and spiritually dead. I wandered through Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, hoping not to wake up again. The next day, I put on my best suit and walked into my workplace, going straight to Human Resources. I sat across from the same HR director who had encouraged me to go to AA two years previously. I said, “I’m dying.”
She looked at me and said, “Michael, you’re safe.” For the first time, I believed it.
The next day, October 29, 2021, I entered treatment. I spent Halloween watching the world dress up while I was finally undressing from the lie I had lived in. The centre was quiet, kind, and imperfect. That Christmas, I woke up sober. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was peaceful. For the first time in years, I felt safe, nourished, and free. Surrounded by people who understood me, I realized that this was the most honest Christmas I had ever known.
I realized that sometimes the holidays aren’t about celebration but about surrender, about the quiet miracle of simply waking up alive.
In December 2022, I met my parents in Quebec. I told them the truth about my drinking. These were my amends. They hadn’t seen me fall apart, but they had lost peace of mind, sleep, and time. My mother looked at me through tears and said, “I want you to come home.” That was my invitation to heal.
Back in Vancouver, I gave away almost everything I owned. I packed a few bags and my Big Book and drove across the country. When I arrived in Windsor, I went to every meeting I could find, both in the city and across the river in Detroit. I joined a home group, served as General Service Representative, and showed up wherever I was needed. It was there, and in the queer recovery community, that I began to feel whole.
My life now is simple and real. I met my partner at a tennis club. What started with jokes between serves became love rooted in honesty. We even hold monthly inventory date nights, using the AA Traditions to guide our relationship. They work for millions of alcoholics, so why not for two people trying to love well?
This year, I will spend Christmas sober, surrounded by family, friends, and the AA community that carried me when I could not stand. I will wake up early, pour a cup of coffee, and say a prayer of thanks. I will hit a meeting before the gifts. I will call a newcomer, just like someone once called me.
The holidays used to be filled with guilt, shame, and broken promises. I showed up late, left early, and drank through my sadness. I thought peace and joy were for other people. Now, I know better.
Joy is baking cookies with my nephews, laughter in my parents’ kitchen, and music in the background while I hold my partner’s hand. It is the freedom to be fully present and the grace to begin again.
If you are struggling this holiday season, please do not give up before the miracle happens. Stay close. You are not alone.
Thank you for letting me share.
Michael M.
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
Sobriety Date: October 29, 2021
12 Ways to Have a Sober Holiday
(Grapevine Republished)
Publication Date: 2021-12-01
Magazine Issue: December 2021
Author Name: Anonymous
Author City: Kewanee
Author State: Ill.
Author Country: USA
Pitching in, reaching out, fellowship and prayer. These are the things that work
There’s a little flyer passed around at many AA meetings every year, called “Twelve Tips on Keeping Your Holiday Season Sober and Joyous.” On it, it says “Many of us have enjoyed the happiest holidays of our lives sober—an idea we would never have dreamed of, wanted, or believed possible when drinking.” This definitely holds true for me. I find the flyer’s suggestions very valuable.
I was raised by my mother and grandparents in a home where alcohol was enjoyed responsibly, especially during the holidays. My parents divorced because of alcohol. It seems that the gene that triggered my disease of alcoholism came from the paternal side of my family.
My earliest use of alcohol was at Christmastime. When we were children my sister and I were allowed to have a small glass of wine mixed with soda on Christmas Eve. The years rolled by. I got drunk for the first time when I was 17. On Christmas Day in 1975, after I had reached the legal drinking age, I was sitting in a local bar with my grandfather. I remember him telling me that having a beer now and then was OK, but, “Don’t go getting hooked on it like your old man did,” he warned. I promised Grandpa faithfully that I wouldn’t, even though I had already gotten drunk on several occasions.
Toward the end of the 1970s, my mother and father got remarried and somehow my father stopped drinking on his own. So I became the one with the drinking problem. We were not allowed to have alcohol in the house and our tradition of the Christmas Eve drink was discontinued. After a couple of years of happy married life, my mother, who was only in her 40s, died. I had helped Mom buy our house, so I inherited it. My father left shortly afterward, and now my sister and I had the house to ourselves. I now had free reign over my drinking, which of course got much worse. I believed that now that Mom was gone, there would never again be a happy holiday season for as long as I lived.
After I got a job as a security guard in a local manufacturing plant, my sister got married and left the house. I was now alone. Except for seeing my grandparents for meals and sponging money off of them for “dog food and groceries” (drinking money) and seeing a therapist, my isolation from the rest of humanity was nearly complete. Even when I was in the bars I kept to myself. I felt that even the professional counseling I was getting wasn’t helping. I started to think about suicide.
As it happened, two of my fellow guards at work were both members of AA. They knew I was drinking. I had even come into work drunk once and they shared their stories with me. I had recently found a girlfriend and I decided that didn’t want my drinking to mar that relationship, so I asked one of them to take me to an AA meeting. I now know that it isn’t a good idea to put conditions on your sobriety, because when that relationship ended after two months, so did my sobriety.
After a short relapse I came back to AA to give it a second chance. This time I was angry and I argued with my sponsors. I once threw away my Big Book only to buy another one when I cooled off. I threw away my “Twelve and Twelve” too, and had to buy another. I acted foolishly.
But in spite of that, I’ve been sober in the program 32 years. And although I still live alone I am not lonely. I have met many other single people in AA who are enjoying the sober life.
Thanks to the Fellowship and the “Twelve Tips” sheet for a sober holiday, I have found that the Thanksgiving and December holiday season is a time of year to look forward to. I really enjoy helping decorate our AA hall, as well as appearing as Santa Claus at meetings and passing out candy canes. I also love hosting holiday dinners in my home for fellow members as well as other friends who might otherwise have a lonely holiday.
I also take great pleasure in worshipping my High Power and celebrating in church and singing in the choir. There is even more happiness for me in ringing and singing carols at Salvation Army kettles. Performing as Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” both in community theater and on our local radio station, is an honor I truly cherish. (Turns out Scrooge and I have a few selfish traits in common.)
I get a special joy in seeing newcomers experience the holidays sober for the very first time. I see to it that they get a copy of the “Twelve Tips” flyer. I also get a tremendous sense of gratitude when we have Thanksgiving dinner at our local AA hall, or have coffee and cheesecake at my sponsor’s home after an evening of caroling. There’s a special feeling of joy at our candlelight AA meeting on New Year’s Eve, knowing that we’ve all lived another year sober. We then look with hope to the 365 days ahead.
Now don’t get me wrong; I’ve had difficult times during the holidays, even in sobriety. But I wouldn’t trade my worst holidays sober for the best ones of my drinking days.
One thing I do know for sure: I’m not lonely at holiday time anymore.
Copyright © The AA Grapevine, Inc. (December 2021) Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved. To subscribe to AA Grapevine, please visit https://www.aagrapevine.org
The AA Grapevine online store has a variety of books, ebooks and other publications full of inspiring stories of fellow AAs on their journey to recovery.
Sober Holiday Tips
Have a safe, sober holiday everyone!
Click here to download the Twelve Tips
Florida Roundup 2026 (“FRU”) is seeking audio submissions
To be considered for keynote speaker(s) at the May 14-17, 2026 event to be held at the Westin Fort Lauderdale Beach.
Speakers from all 12-step fellowships are welcome and should have the ability to deliver their experience, strength and hope to 600+ attendees.
Audio submissions may be sent to program@floridaroundup.org.
FRU is a 41 year old five-day gathering of LGBTQ+ people from around the globe. In addition to four keynote speakers, it generally includes 50+ workshops and a whole host of amazing activities.
In gratitude for sharing your experience strength and hope, FRU offers its speakers round-trip airfare, four nights stay at the Westin, and three conference organized meals!!!
GaL-AA Legacy Newsletter Archive Is Now Live!
We’re excited to announce that GaL-AA has completed a major archival project:
All of our historical newsletters—going back to 1983—are now fully digitized, posted on our website, and searchable on the internet.
For the first time, members can explore four decades of our history in one place, including:
The earliest IAC newsletters
LGBTQ+ AA meeting history from the 1980s–2000s
Stories of our pioneers and trusted servants
International Convention participation
Roundup listings going back nearly 40 years
The evolution of GaL-AA’s service structure
Personal essays, taped speaker info, directory updates, and more
You can browse the full collection here: 🔗 https://www.gal-aa.org/blog/categories/legacy-newsletters
You can also go to our website www.gal-aa.org and click on “news & media” and find the link there.
Why this matters
Our archives are more than old publications—they are the living record of how LGBTQ+ alcoholics found each other, built meetings, formed Roundups, and carried the message long before technology made connection easy. These documents show:
How isolated members reached one another
How LGBTQ+ AA groups grew worldwide
How the IAC (now GaL-AA) supported meetings, Roundups, and loners
The courage of early members who faced real homophobia inside and outside AA
The roots of our unity, resilience, and service today
Preserving and sharing this history ensures that new members, future trusted servants, and LGBTQ+ AA groups everywhere can see where we come from—and how we’ve carried the message for over 40 years.
As additional archival materials are scanned, we will continue to add them to the website so our history remains accessible, organized, and protected for future generations.
In love and service,
GaL-AA Executive Committee
My First Sober Thanksgiving
(Grapevine Republished)
Magazine Issue November 2023
Author: Definitely Steve
Author City: Nashville
Author State: Tennessee
How on earth will he celebrate without booze? A newcomer gets a wonderful surprise
Gosh, what an accomplishment! After 20 years of nightly drinking, after years watching my personal life go into the toilet, I somehow managed to stop drinking by going to AA meetings and actually listening to suggestions!
I was just seven months sober, but facing what I thought was going to be an insurmountable obstacle. Not drinking on Thanksgiving! That idea seemed totally out of the question. I had never had a sober Thanksgiving in my entire adult life.
A great holiday dinner without wine? What? Attending the Thanksgiving Day Parade without a few drinks on a super cold day? Being in the house with all my relatives all day without a buzz? No way! These things were impossible for me to even imagine.
Luckily, an oldtimer—someone who had gone through this holiday dilemma many times before—gave me a suggestion which would not only get me through another day sober, but would change my sobriety forever. “Why don’t you go to an AA meeting that day?” he said.
An AA meeting? On Thanksgiving Day? That’s the craziest idea I had ever heard. “Yes, our home group, the Port Washington Group, has an all-day AA meeting on that day,” he said. “Many meetings do this on holidays. There’s an AA meeting every hour on the hour, until late at night. Not only are there meetings, but great food as well. Everyone brings food in from their own family celebrations too. You can even volunteer to help set up, clean up and serve the goodies. You might even chair one of the meetings or just come by and enjoy a cup of coffee—on us.” By the look on his face, this oldtimer seemed to know something that I couldn’t get just yet.
So that Thanksgiving, right in the middle of the day, just when I needed a break from my family, I moseyed over to the Port Washington Group’s Thanksgiving Day celebration.
I’ll be honest, I was nervous. Who would be there? A handful of losers? Well, I sure got a shock when I entered. The room was packed. Many of my familiar AA home group members were there, laughing and enjoying themselves. And they were serving tons of great food. Members marched in the whole time proudly adding their own special culinary contributions from home. Soon everyone got quiet. An AA meeting was starting!
Even with all my many personal problems swirling in my mind that moment, I stopped for a minute and looked around the church basement. I saw members who didn’t have any family to be with that day. AA was their family. I watched them enjoy each other’s company. I saw alcoholics who really needed a holiday meal. They got to eat and take part in the fellowship. There were fellow newcomers like me there who didn’t want to drink, getting to spend the day in a safe place. Instead of a bar, or a jail, or an ER, or alone at home, we were all enjoying food and feeling welcome.
Suddenly my problems got so much less important. My gratitude got so much larger. My desire to reach out and help another alcoholic forever changed that day. I realized that my life wasn’t so bad after all. I got to pitch in and help provide a safe, sober oasis of hope, love and support for other alcoholics who needed it. And I had a safe, sober place too.
I hope y’all have a blessed, sober Thanksgiving this year. It’s a great time to reach out to others and be thankful for all our blessings.
The AA Grapevine online store has a variety of books, ebooks and other publications full of inspiring stories of fellow AAs on their journey to recovery.
Copyright © The AA Grapevine, Inc. (November 2023) Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved. To subscribe to AA Grapevine, please visit https://www.aagrapevine.org
Spotlight On Sobriety 11/23/2025
The Spotlight On Sobriety 11/23/2025 features personal stories, articles and reflections submitted by members and friends of the fellowship. The views expressed are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent those of Alcoholics Anonymous or GaL-AA.
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